I apologize for my delayed response.  However, I think you asked questions that are better striven for and struggled after, and I do not know that my direct answer would have been of the ultimate benefit.  I use this as one reason, and it is entirely valid, though I assure you there are several others. 

But in truth, while I know the simple answer to what you ought to seek, I cannot give it to you.  Only you know what you truly want.  I can tell you what I desire, and even what I desire for you and from you, but I cannot tell you what you want.  I think you mentioned the fact that you know what you should want.  And that is a positive thing, it shows some self-awareness and maturity.  The problem is then, why don’t you want it?  Or perhaps why don’t you want it more?  These are much greater questions. 

But I will ask my question again, directly this time: What are you seeking?  Please tell me truly.  If I may venture a bit of analysis, I will guess that you have only vague impulses pulling on you to go one way or the other.  In fact, you seem to be a wanderer.  Looking for something but with no idea how to get there, or even if you will notice it when it appears.  Perhaps you have missed it, passed it by, and now it is gone?  Is this your fear?  Do you really want to move for the sake of movement?  Will this not only serve to tire you out?  Is it perhaps better to wait and prepare and move when the movement has purpose?  Or will this only lead to inaction?  Of course these are only my thoughts, though I feel an answer would do good for us both.

But dear wanderer, I will say this:  you may not know where you are, or where you are going, but you are not lost.  This is the most important thing.  You are not lost, just wandering.  The distinction there is one that is crucial though sometimes foggy.  But hold on to this. 

Until again.